Photo by Dan Budiac

So I thought I’d continue in the same vein as my previous post about a song, and continue to post every now and again about songs that have really hit me hard.

I’m falling quite badly in love with The Mountain Goats of late, and yesterday was the first time I’d listened properly to their most recent album, The Life of the World to Come. As with all other Mountain Goats material, there’s normally one, or maybe two, songs that I begin by liking much more than the rest; although I’m sure much of the rest of the album will catch up.

Still it was the lyrics of this song, Matthew 25:21, that caught me far before the rest of the album. Especially the last verse where, even on the very first listen, I felt that spine tingling shudder that only the very best can give.

The song itself is evidently about loosing someone to cancer, and the experience of those last few days. Whilst I’ve never had to see such a horrible end to someone I love, it’s hard not to instantly think of the few I have known that have died, and wonder what it would have been like to see them suffer such a drawn out ending.

Lyrics

They hook you up
To a Fentanyl drip
To mitigate the pain a little bit
I flew in
From Pennsylvania
When I heard the hour was coming fast
And I docked in Santa Barbara
Tried to brace myself
But you can’t brace yourself
When the time comes
You just have to roll with the blast
And I’m an eighteen-wheeler headed down the interstate
And my breaks are going to give
And I won’t know till it’s too late
Tires screaming when I lose control
Try not to hurt too many people when I roll

Find the harbor freeway
And head south
Real tired
Head kind of light
I found Telegraph Road
I’d only seen the name on envelopes
Found the parking lot
And turned right
I felt all the details
Carving out space in my head
Tropicanas on the walk way
Neon red
Between the pain
And the pills trying to hold it at bay
Stand as a traveler going somewhere far away
And I am aeroplane tumbling wing over wing
Tried to listen to my instruments
They don’t say anything
People screaming when the engines quit
I hope we’re all in crash position when we hit

And then came to your bedside
And as it turns out
I’m not ready
And as though
You were speaking through a thick haze
You said hello to me
We all stood there around you
Happy to hear you speak
The last of something bright burning, still burning
Beyond the cancer and the chemotherapy
And you were a presence full of light upon this earth
And I am a witness to your life and to it’s worth
It’s three days later when I get the call
And there’s nobody around to break my fall

Bible Reference.

For anyone whose interested, Matthew 25:21 references the following from the Bible:

His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!

I don’t have the inclination to learn about the context of this quote in the bible, instead I will apply it to the song as is: to me, it implies a reference to the afterlife for the loved one dying of cancer. As an atheist I will always be jealous of anyone who can gather enough faith in anything to put such a positive spin on death.

Listen

Rather than uploading the album version I thought I’d upload the slightly rougher cut version from The Life of the World in Flux. As if the song couldn’t break your heart any more, the last line is changed in this version to “I wish you were still around to break my fall”. Hearing that was almost too much to bare.

Download MP3